This admission from Aldous Huxely is refreshing in its honesty and also despicable. It is an admission of confirmation bias, not on some narrow question of scientific fact, but on the fundamental questions of reality. It is one of those statements that makes you chuckle for a moment until you realize how underhanded it is. Humans are not calculators that arrive at fixed conclusions based on data inputs. Cranmer said it this way: “What the heart loves, the will chooses, and the mind justifies.”
‘I had motive for not wanting the world to have a meaning; consequently assumed that it had none, and was able without any difficulty to find satisfying reasons for this assumption. The philosopher who finds no meaning in the world is not concerned exclusively with a problem in pure metaphysics, he is also concerned to prove that there is no valid reason why he personally should not do as he wants to do, or why his friends should not seize political power and govern in the way that they find most advantageous to themselves. … For myself, the philosophy of meaninglessness was essentially an instrument of liberation, sexual and political.’
MattTroupe.net 
He willfully squandered his own enlightenment. To be aware that you’re doing wrong and continue doing it and call it good…is that a form of blaspheming the Holy Spirit? To call evil good and good evil?