The Dark Temptation of Social Media: Double Lives

Posted on by metroupe

Madison Holleran posted a photo of Rittenhouse Square in Philadelphia to Instagram (right) an hour before jumping to her death.
One of the deepest diseases of human nature is lying.  And I am talking about something far more subtle and destructive than bearing false witness to a teacher or police officer in order to get out of trouble. One of the darkest elements of broken humanity is to lie about who we are. To create a false identity and then try to maintain it. The need to hide our pain and sin behind a mask of smiles and virtue.

The word hypocrite comes from the Greek word for a person that wears a mask. It originates with the Greek theater, where actors wore masks to disguise not only their identity but even the sound of their voices. A hypocrite is a kind of actor that pretends to be someone they are not. Traditionally this concept has been reserved for people pretending to be moral, for example religious people, public leaders, or politicians.  But the concept is broader than preaching abstinence while practicing indulgence.  It includes those of us who stay in character once we have left the stage.  The hypocrite is essentially an imposter. We are disgusted to find out that people we respect because of their public persona are actually using their image to cover up a life of corruption and debauchery. 

Well, it appears that what was once reserved for politicians and the religious is now a growing temptation for the masses. Perhaps it was there all along. But social media has provided a window into the ubiquity of human deceit.  This article in the New York Post discusses growing darkness that lies beneath the surface in social media.  The author cites some extreme examples, but anyone with a Facebook account understands this.  We are subject to two related temptations:  To lie about our own life while believing and comparing ourselves to the lies that our friends are telling. This is no joke. 

Maureen Callahan, the author of the article in the NY Post cites an example of Zilla van den Born.  “Last year, she uploaded a monthlong series of photos taken on her travels in Southeast Asia — scuba diving, praying in a Buddhist temple, sampling local cuisine — then revealed those images were all the work of Photoshop. She had hidden in her apartment the entire time, duping even friends and family.”

Wow, how bad does life have to be to want to do this?  For those of us old enough to remember the ancient world of 10 years ago, all of this is pretty frightening.

Technology is the great magnifier. It has the potential to draw out and magnify the dark side of human nature. And can do this by several magnitudes, all while maintaining the filtered image of a smile.

Here are a few important parts of the article. The whole thing is worth reading and very important.:

‘Mai-Ly Nguyen Steers, a post-doctoral fellow at the University of Houston, has spearheaded a similar study [concerning social media].“The idea came to me when my little sister, who was 16, wasn’t invited to a school dance,” Steers, 38, tells The Post. “She told me about logging on to Facebook the very next day and seeing all these pictures of her friends at the dance, and that actually made her feel worse than not being invited.”

“Seeing Everyone Else’s Highlight Reels: How Facebook Usage is Linked to Depressive Symptoms” was co-authored with two other social psychologists and published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology last year. Steers cited the work of social psychologist Leon Festinger, who, in 1954, came up with “social comparison theory,” the idea that we measure ourselves in relation to others’ failures and successes.’

Again Callahan writes,

‘Then there are those who aggressively seek out admiration and envy. Google “GoPro proposal” and you’ll get 428,000 hits — people who planned and recorded the moment they got engaged, then uploaded it for global consumption. Some couples live-stream it. Others stage-manage the “set,” then hire professional photographers to capture the moment.

“The engagement thing is so creepy,” says Chelsea Fagan, 26, whose website, The Financial Diet, covers the impact of social media on young women. “There’s this weird arms race now where everything has to be a moment, no matter how private. We always get a lot of responses with weddings and engagements — women spend a lot of money to look ‘Pinterest perfect.’ ”

It’s not just weddings or special events, though. Social-media users spend exorbitant amounts to look like their daily, everyday lives are spent eating the finest food, wearing the most on-trend designs, living a stylish, well-appointed life — no problems.’ (emphasis added)

 

Source: Our double lives: Dark realities behind ‘perfect’ online profiles | New York Post

Gossiping About Ourselves

Posted on by metroupe

Face palm

Earlier today my wife and I were speaking about social media. It can be marvelous and miserable. We both dabble in Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc to varying degrees. But it is REALLY easy to be carried by the stream of pop culture and join in without thinking. So, we talk about social media. We talk about how it can be both amazing and horrible. We try to learn from our own failures (which are many) and even from the missteps of others.  Sometimes when you see several people (or whole crowds) making the same mistake all at once, it appears as a pattern.  A kind of constellation of immaturity and bad behavior.

It is almost as if the kinds of stupid decisions that people wanted to keep private in the past, have now become a staple on social media.

The constellation we talked about this morning is the tendency of some people to parade their bad decisions on social media.  Sometimes it feels like I am watching someone get another “together forever” tattoo with the name of their new lover, written just beneath the one they ditched last month.  It is almost as if the kinds of stupid decisions that people wanted to keep private in the past, have now become a staple on social media.  The grand spectacle of folly that was once reserved for gossip rags and the Larry Springer show is now available to all of us. And not just as spectators, we can be on stage, or on the cover.  But there is no one to sue for libel, because we wrote it. And, oh yeah,  it’s true..

Many of the things I am now able to learn (forced to endure?) about my Facebook friends would have only been available to me in the past if someone had been trying to destroy their reputation through gossip.  I would really like to mind my own business, but you won’t let me! It’s not that I want people to lie, I just feel really uncomfortable when people gossip about themselves.

I would really like to mind my own business, but you won’t let me!

And sadly much of this adolescent flaunting is presented with a measure of boldness. “This is who I am, IF YOU DON’T LIKE MY BAD DECISIONS, YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM.”   And I do end up with a problem, Facebook only has a “like” button.  I could speak up and be perceived as judgmental (a risk I am willing to take because I love my friends), or stay quiet while you document your own personal episode of Jackass for the world to see.

Regret is a powerful experience, tasted by all at some point. And one of the things that makes regret more damaging is publicity. It is one thing to trip and fall. It is another thing to trip and fall on camera and then to see our private moment of shame become a viral experience. It is one thing to be laughed at by a few friends and strangers, it is much harder to endure the scorn of millions.  And sadly, this level of regret is more potent when there is a permanent record. What will it be like when the posts you wrote last year, the ones that already embarrass you, can be resurrected to go viral again in 2035. And you think political campaigns are nasty now? It has been said that taking information off the internet is like taking pee out of a pool. Impossible.

So here is my advise:

1. Don’t give into the temptation to make a permanent, public record of every mistake and bad decision that you make.  One day you will want people to “forgive and forget.” Don’t make this any harder than it already is.

2. If something might really embarrass you if it ended up on film, then don’t just think twice about posting it on social media, think twice about doing it.  Some embarrassing things are perfectly innocent, and we need to learn to laugh at ourselves. Other embarrassing things can hurt us and other people.  And the only thing worse than driving toward a cliff, is driving toward it confidently with your foot on the acclerator.

3. Don’t be upset when friends and people that love you (especially older ones) have the courage to tell you that you are making bad choices.   There is a strong possibility you will soon agree with them. And you may need their help to clean up the mess.

Photo used courtesy of Hobvias Sudoneighm. Some rights reserved.